


anticipation

by peachsneakers



Series: soulmate september [29]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxceit - Freeform, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26924464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Virgil has a secret. It's not easy to keep secrets when you have a telepathic link with your soulmate.But Virgil's determined to try.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: soulmate september [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906756
Comments: 16
Kudos: 238





	anticipation

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: Day 29 - You have a telepathic link with your soulmate until the two of you meet.
> 
> only one prompt left! :)

Virgil has a secret.

It's a hard secret to keep, not least because his soulmate shares space in his head. He thinks about it as little as possible, actively shoving it away as much as he can (especially when his soulmate is awake). It's a horrible thought, an _unworthy_ thought, and one his friends could never understand.

How can he ever explain that he doesn't _want_ to meet his soulmate?

Or rather, he does. He desperately does. He wants to snuggle against Janus's side, wants to stare into his mismatched eyes and run his fingers through his soft curls. Wants to listen to him rant about philosophy and the collapse of society and the barista down the street who always spells his name wrong and he's _sure_ by this point it's on purpose. He wants to go for walks in the fall and trips to the beach in the summer and catch snowflakes on his tongue and share a hot cocoa and watch the flowers begin to blossom. Wants to say _I love you_ out loud and watch the softness bloom in Janus's eyes.

But-

Everyone says the telepathic link with your soulmate ends when the two of you meet in person. It's broken, they say. From then on out, there's only you taking up space in your head. And Virgil- He just can't take that chance. Not when Janus is so willing to help him calm down from panic attacks and read him stories and tell him funny anecdotes until he's too busy laughing to keep sniffling. Not when he can _feel_ the comfort his touch-starved soul cries out for, not when he just _knows_ what to think to help Janus when his own anxiety reaches a frenzied pitch, when his own depression takes over like a suffocating black smog. How can he help Janus in person? He's a mess! Janus won't want to go near him, with his dark circles and perpetually cold hands and slumped shoulders and forever bumbling, awkward apologies.

No, they're far better off never meeting, and that's that. At least this way, Virgil can actually be someone worth loving. He could never manage that in person.

He just wishes he could convince his heart of that.

_Virge? Are you still awake?_

_Yeah,_ he thinks as hard as he can, shame clogging his words. _Sorry. I hope I'm not keeping you awake._

_Of course not,_ Janus sends back, every word flavored with soft concern. _Are you all right, storm cloud?_

_Fine,_ Virgil lies, hunching deeper into his hoodie, like it has the capacity to swallow him. _Just anxious, I guess. The usual._ He sends the mental picture of him walking around in a well-trodden circle, and has the joy of feeling Janus's amusement.

_If I can help in any way, let me know,_ Janus promises warmly. 

_I-_ Virgil hesitates. He wants to tell Janus his worries. But he doesn't dare. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Janus won't understand. Can't understand. Who could understand him not wanting to be with them as anything but a rejection?

_I'm fine,_ Virgil settles on. Disbelief wafts his way, and he winces, pulling his blanket up over himself. It's soft and purple and it reminds him of Janus, of the warm affection that envelops him every day, that he can never have again if they actually meet.

_Can I talk to you about something?_ Janus asks. He sounds surprisingly hesitant. Virgil automatically nods, forgetting Janus can't actually see him.

_Of course,_ Virgil sends. A stab of anxiety sours his stomach. 

_I don't know if I've just been mishearing things,_ Janus says. _If I've simply misunderstood you, then please tell me. I just...I wonder if you've been feeling this way, that you don't want to meet me in person? Because if so..._ Janus hesitates. _I understand the feeling._

_You do?!_ Virgil mentally squawks. He feels freezing, despite being swaddled in his hoodie and blankets.

_I don't want to lose this,_ Janus confesses. _But I also desperately want to see_ you _. You're the most important person in my life, and I just... I don't know. Does that make any sense?_

_Yes. I uh, I feel kinda the same way?_ Virgil admits, tentative. Relief batters against his mind in an overwhelming wave, sending him reeling against the pillows.

_I still want to meet you,_ Janus tells him. _I want to be with you. So, so much. But maybe- maybe not yet?_

_Not yet,_ Virgil agrees. Then, hesitantly- _But soon?_

_Soon,_ Janus says, and the love that follows that simple declaration brings tears to Virgil's eyes.

_Soon,_ Virgil repeats and falls asleep shortly afterward, tears drying on his face and smile hovering on his lips.


End file.
